At the heart of it

Not sure why, but now seems to be the right time to talk about my journey through art after a personal trauma: maybe this is because I feel my blog needs the rest of the story and perhaps it might be able to help someone else. On December 8th, 2009, my husband Carl, died through suicide: my family life was torn apart and I was left to pick up the pieces and try to continue supporting my two young sons who at that time were just 8 and 10 years old. Now the art is at last finding it's way, I want to share why it has been such an important element in our new life.

Carl was 43 and his death was completely out of the blue. I had no idea how he was feeling and for some time I blamed myself for not noticing the warning signs. But how could I possibly imagine that a loving and passionate man who embraced fatherhood with all his strength could ever be thinking of such a desperate and final act. This dreadful word which I don't tend to write very often, suicide, changes every part of your life that is left and the journey back into some kind of happiness takes a long time and perhaps will never truly resolve. But we are learning  new ways to cope and find ways of being happy again and whilst sometimes this just feels temporary, we are realising that life is very precious and still needs to be embraced. My two sons have and still are being well supported and nurtured in a way that I hope will always let them talk and that whilst life will never be perfect, there can still be hope and happiness.

Spain, April 2009

London, Nov. 2009

Throughout this journey, art has been a very powerful need and support although at times it has also proved an element of struggle. But I have been able to explore the pain and heartache, the confusion and isolation, the anger and the love. I am never short of an issue to work on, it has just been a case of finding the right medium. I have not wanted to upset anyone and tried to be mindful of other family members, but art is about the world in which we live and what better way is there to explore such personal issues and life itself. 

Whilst this is just a small summary of what has happened during this very rocky journey, at least it might explain where the idea came from for drawing Carls's OM10  and the Bosch Drill on dissolvable fabric with thread. I try to make the images perfect, each stitch allows thought and reflection on his life and our lives that we now have: the new skills I have tried to learn. But then I wash the back ground away, I don't quite know what will happen. Will the stitches hold together, fall apart, distort and make a new shape? We had the foundations pulled from under our feet, we still don't quite now how it will all be but the imperfections can allow you to see a new beauty which is not always obvious. 

So whilst I am very pleased with the outcome of my textile projects and I have achieved a very good grade, there is that  element of guilt - if Carl had not died, would my art have contained so much passion and love, would it have been so successful? And can I now keep it up?

Preparing for Art In Action

My work is now under way for this years show which starts on 18th July and runs for 4 days. Whilst I have been a bit slow to get going after a very busy end to my academic year I have now decided on a direction - something that is happy and fun...

I am trying to reproduce images from my holidays in West Bay and the Fun Fair is first. West bay is providing new holiday memories for my boys as we try to make new routines and new ways to enjoy ourselves without Carl. We had such wonderful family holidays form camping on sites with few amenities but breathtaking views to climbing Mount Etna. I miss these times every day but but I now look forward to our annual trip to West Bay with my sister, niece and the boys. 

The cars are embroidered with marathon threads on a single layer of solu-fleece. They will be suspended in in frames and float over a painted silk habitai background. It is time consuming but exciting and is all preparation for year three at Uni.

Have decided to enter all three drawings of drill, hammer and screwdrivers to Jerwood Drawing Prize. They will form a series with the title 'After You'.

Drawn 2013 at the RWA

This week I need to go and collect my work "We Should Smile More...'  from the RWA as Drawn has come to an end. On Friday I paid my final visit to the exhibition and feel that I should now just say a little about the exhibition and my favourite pieces.

South Lodge Camp, Timothy Harrison

This had a fabulous texture and a striking appearance. It was simple yet spoke clearly about its subject, the markings of a land fort.

Meyouthem,  Yvonne Crossley

I particularly liked this large scale triptych of a drawn figure. Close up it had the structure of knitting, with large pins appearing to hold some parts of the body together. Pigment ink is used to make the marks.

Wound Skull, Elle Ford

This work was accompanied by 2 photographs which were also very interesting and looked just like a delicate drawing. A skull has been wrapped in wire and then burnt. I would really like to know more about why this work was made. It was sympathetically placed in an old presentation case.

Debbie Lock, Marks made whilst walking

I loved the marks made in these images - a fantastic idea, pens or pencils positioned in boxes and placed in ruck sacks and left to make marks as people walked for 20 minutes. I want to know what else was in the bag, what was the weather like and who accompanied them.

Shape Shifter XXV, Natalie McGrorty

I really like work where obsessive mark making has been a big part in the process of making. It allows a lot of questions such as what was the artist thinking as each mark was made? Did they expect the final result? This work is also aesthetically very pleasing although I am not sure that that was the intention.

Drawn has been a fantastic experience - I have had plenty of opportunity to enjoy and wonder about the work and feel very privileged to have been part of this exhibition. I feel very inspired to keep on drawing and continue with my plans to enter The Jerwood Drawing Prize, 2013.