I had quite a long crit at uni this morning: there was lots to discuss and now I need to decide what to push further and what to leave for now. It is proving quite hard to keep up the momentum but I know it will be worth it.
During the crit we discussed my theme of perfection/ imperfection and linked it back well to the writings of Henry Moore that started this project "...all life is a conflict; that's something to be accepted, something you have to know. And you have to die, too, which is the opposite of living. One must try to find a synthesis, to come to terms with opposite qualities. Art and life are made up of conflicts"(Wilkinson, 2002) he goes on to say that in great art this conflict is hidden and unsolved, it is not perfect. I think this is happening in my work but as it becomes more apparent, I am actually finding it a little uncomfortable. However, this realisation is strengthening my confidence and ambition and allowing me to be more creative. In this latest piece, 'It's Only Bricks and Mortar', I felt really happy with my ability to draw and then strongly questioned these feelings when the process of removing the backing fabric sent the work off in a different direction. The imperfections at first seemed to overwhelm the work, but then I remembered what I was trying to explore, the need for perfectionism and the underlying conflicts that might prevent this from happening and actually make make the work more alive and interesting. The imperfect work, 'It's Only Bricks and Mortar' throws up many more questions than the perfect image did. Also, the work is becoming two parts, the embroidery held together on the strengthening backing fabric, and then the vulnerable thread drawing without its support structure. Like the artists featured in my earlier blogs, Naseem Darbey and Amanda McCavour, the direct observation drawings made from the many stitches are strong but the individual threads can show their vulnerability. This is key to the work: how I explore and feel about the imperfections, how it benefits the finished piece or how it might constrain it. The intact, perfect stage of 'It's Only Bricks and Mortar' helped me to believe that I can draw, but the acceptance of the imperfections in the second stage is supported by Klee's (Hughes, 1991) suggestion that we make our most creative work as children, when we let go of our inhibitions and allow the innocence to shine through. Vulnerability is not a weakness, it is what and how we perceive it. Whilst trying to be perfect and keep everything going at home (after the loss of Carl) may seem like the only solution, actually being able to accept that this isn't always necessary can produce the best sense of satisfaction.
So I have taken 'It's Only Bricks and Mortar' to Meltone Gallery to have a framed made. I will continue to work on making images that are allowed to have imperfections in their execution, continuing with the same theme ie drawings of new skills learnt since being widowed; which has incidentally thrown the idea of masculine and feminine ideologies into the mix. I will also remember the idea of taking apart my 'perfect moment', photographic images as inspired by Anna Glasbrook's work. Here the possibilities of using some silk painted fabrics with stitch on dissolvable fabrics, allowing both sides to be visible will be played with, but perhaps after this academic year.
References
Hughes, R. (1991) The Shock of the New. Art and the Century of Change. London: Thames and Hudson.
Wilkinson, A.G (2002) Henry Moore: Writings and Conversations by Henry Moore: (Online) Available from: http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=pzqg4l-ce7oC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=fals
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